The surprising reality of how teenage girls still define themselves
The surprising reality of how teenage girls still define themselves
A vibrant sign, hastily affixed to a door, declares “GIRLS ONLY” and “Boy’s don’t Eneter!” [sic], with a playful touch of “don’t worry boys!” scrawled beneath. The room at DRMZ youth club in Carmarthen, Wales, buzzes with energy as a group of roughly a dozen girls is already immersed in a spirited card game when I arrive. Laughter and chatter fill the air, punctuated by the clatter of pizza boxes arriving shortly after. This encounter is part of my Radio 4 series, About The Girls, which features conversations with approximately 150 young women, most aged 13 to 17. The insights shared at that table resonate with themes I encountered repeatedly across the interviews.
The girls are sharp, witty, and full of life, offering perspectives that are both insightful and infectious. They speak passionately about their aspirations, their bonds with friends, and their awareness of family responsibilities. “I would like to have a fridge that you can have a vase in… And be a doctor!” one remarks. Another reflects on the importance of caring for her grandmother: “I go to town to top up my Nan’s electric. I love looking after her.” The discussion flits between card games, school anecdotes, social media trends, and debates about the distribution of Cheese Feast slices. The boys’ presence is always subtly acknowledged, even when the girls are unapologetically themselves.
Gendered reflections in a post-pandemic world
This project follows my earlier series, About The Boys, which explored the experiences of teenage males across the UK. In the wake of the pandemic, the #MeToo movement, and the cultural attention surrounding Andrew Tate, I sought to understand how young women perceive their roles today. The girls proved just as engaging as their male counterparts, displaying thoughtfulness, articulation, and courage in their responses. Yet, the irony remains: when I asked them to describe what it means to be a girl in 2025/26, their answers consistently began with how boys perceive or interact with them.
“Well boys think/say/want/feel…” becomes the recurring refrain, echoing a pattern that feels almost like a real-life version of the Bechdel Test. This test, which measures a film’s representation of women, requires at least two named female characters to discuss something unrelated to men. The girls’ conversations, however, rarely deviate from the influence of boys, even when they’re the primary focus. “Growing up as a girl,” one shared, “so much of that is about how boys are behaving around you and what they’re doing to you. So there isn’t really a way to talk about that without mentioning boys… and it is frustrating.”
“There is certainly a pressure that we heard from young women around that — really translating into they need to be polite and respectful, and that they feel the behaviour expectations on them were…”
Dr. Ola Demkowicz, a senior lecturer in the psychology of education at the Manchester Institute of Education, echoes this sentiment in her research. She notes the persistent weight of gendered norms that shape how girls navigate their surroundings. The girls I met described a subtle but constant effort to adjust their behavior in mixed company, often to avoid being labeled as “too much,” “too loud,” or “weird.” They mentioned how boys can be loud and funny, but girls must temper their voices to stay safe. “They described not wanting to ‘take up space'” one explained, “and trying to be ‘smaller and quieter’ in mixed company.”
Alison Harbor, the youth center manager, observed the girls’ openness with admiration. “The boys at the club are quite vocal,” she said, “and pretty confident in sharing their opinions. Well today, the girls have been the same!” Yet she also pointed out a lingering challenge: “My worry is that they usually internalise a lot of their troubles…” This dynamic reveals a complex interplay of confidence and constraint, where the lens of masculinity continues to shape the self-perception of teenage girls, even in an era of increasing awareness.